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10 Ways to Irritate a Pregnant Woman

pregnant womanSo you are pregnant: congratulations! Aside from the sickness, the tiredness and the inability to paint your toenails, being pregnant is a very special time. I personally love it – apart, of course – from all the thinly veiled insults which apparently must be directed at me or my bump.

Naturally when we hear the following – multiple times – we smile, nod and laugh – because WE are polite. But really, what is this need to ply us with nonsense advice and fat comments? Can they not just back off and leave us to our swollen ankles and excitement?

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The Eight Kinds of Nap Failure

nap failureOver time, we parents become familiar with the different kinds of naps bestowed on us by our young. There’s the car nap (all too brief), the nap-in-arms (restrictive) and the cot nap (the holy grail of naps and widely revered through parenting circles).

Naps can take place too early or late in the day, by accident, or after meticulous planning. They can be too short, just right or even too long – though only ever if you have plans or an appointment. By far the worst though, is the nap that doesn’t happen – the one that gets away. This has been an all-too-frequent occurrence for me of late, to the point where I now must accept that my son’s naps have pretty much got up and gone…

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There’s Something Special about Mr Tumble

mr tumbleThis week saw the return of the great Justin Fletcher, complete in clown form in a brand new NEW SERIES of Something Special. Imagine I screamed this sentence, reacting much like Buddy the Elf upon hearing Santa’s visiting Gimbels, “Santa’s coming! He’s coming here tomorrow! I know him!” Yes, I was genuinely that excited, perhaps more so than my toddler… but not as much as my husband.

Unlike Buddy, I don’t know Justin Fletcher, I just know that he creates a brilliant world of fun and magic for so many children and makes my son very happy.

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30 things you think youll never do as a parent…But Totally Do

1. Use CBeebies and YouTube to virtually babysit your children

2. End up getting sucked in to said programmes… particularly the songs… which remain stuck in your head all day

3. Leave the house looking like a hobo. Most days

4. Bore people with photos of your kids

5. Say, “We’ll see.” About 75 times per week

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New Year Old Me

new yearNo sooner has the last of the Christmas wrapping paper been squished into the overflowing bin, the world turns its attention to talk of the things we need to change to become better humans.

I have been suckered in to the idea of New Year’s Resolutions one too many times. But now the game is over – I am out my friends. I finally understand that the promotion of ‘New You January,’ is  just another way of reminding people they are not good enough. Folklore should not dictate that it’s out with the last year of my life and all I have achieved, and in with the new one of change and improvement.

Perish the thought that actually, I might be just fine as I am.

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new babyWe have a lot of stuff in our house: keepsakes, bits & bobs, clutter, junk. Now we’re expecting our second baby, we’ve realised unless we house him or her in the garage, we have to take action. So I got to thinking: planning, sorting and throwing out my husband’s stuff while he was at work then denying all knowledge.

And you too can have an organised, de-cluttered home, by following these ten simple steps

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baby changing awards“I had a bad feeling about the facilities as we approached; who wouldn’t when hearing the sounds of other customers screams from 100 yards away? Was this the kind of place I wanted to get naked in? Err, no thanks. My fears were sadly confirmed when I was told the only bathroom option available was on the (filthy) floor, wedged between a sanitary bin and a terrifyingly loud monster (allegedly called a hand-dryer). My head hurt from the hard floor, and I could find comfort in neither the view nor the smell of my surroundings. All I wanted was to escape – which I attempted by rolling around whilst screaming hysterically – I couldn’t believe I was being subjected to such a horrible experience at a place we were spending money to eat in.”

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Don’t You Forget About Me

dont you forgetLast week I was driving my husband’s car some thirty miles or so to run an errand while he stayed at home with our 2-year-old. I am very used to having the toddler in with me for any journey I make, which is mostly spent congratulating him on tractor or motorbike spots, crossing my fingers he falls asleep or lobbing food over my shoulder and singing nursery rhymes to keep him awake.

In short, I do not have much alone time in the car these days, or out of the car either, come to think of it.

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My Love You Are Loved: A Poem

my love poem

I don’t always relish everything or give you all I should

And sometimes on the tougher days, I lose sight of what’s good

But just know that when you need me – if you’re tiny or you’re tall

I will always be there any time that you might call

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6IZ1x858hF70TwhjeNCaPUCf9ODfbNH4Ato5690SUW0Despite whisking their contestants by private jet to beautiful Australia and paying them bags of gold, I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here is widely considered one of the tougher reality gigs for our good old celebs. As well as the usual fights, dramas and bids for attention that are rife in reality shows, these lot also have to contend with showering on camera, sleeping amongst scary animals (no I absolutely don’t mean John Lydon), and gorging on creepy crawlies.We’d never get that from Gregg Wallace on Celebrity MasterChef – at least not so far, anyway. (Should I patent the idea in case?)

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Love & Tantrums: Note from a Toddler

tantrums and loveSomething has changed recently – you’ve felt it and of course I have too. Our days together are often unpredictable and the routine you crafted around me so carefully – the net which kept both of us safe – has crumbled. You don’t know where you stand all of a sudden and you feel a bit helpless. But remember, I feel this way, too.

I am sure it must be confusing when one moment I am happily smiling and the next I am yelling and screaming at you, crying so much it makes my voice wobble and my breathing shuddery. You’re shocked and I am in too deep to stop it – I don’t know how to stop it – and you don’t either.

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