Guide To Reluctant Co-sleeping

Home / Guide To Reluctant Co-sleeping - November 27, 2014 , by yvettelamb

Guide to co-sleepingThe subject of co-sleeping has long since been a hotly debated potato in the world of parenting.

Is it wrong to do it? Is it wrong not to? Is it safe? Will it form bad habits? Is it an essential part of bonding and attachment?

So you sift through the reams of conflicting information and studies, in addition to everyone else’s opinions, and eventually make a decision you feel is best for your family. And then of course, your baby tosses all your carefully weighed up thinking out of the proverbial window and tells you how it’s actually going to be.

We didn’t read a guide to co-sleeping as we had no intention of doing it, until our son took a full strike on rest and reason and we ended up sharing our bed at some point most nights for several months. It wasn’t faultless, it wasn’t even restful at times, but it was an improvement on the shocking nights we had been living with and for that, I was grateful.

And I really did enjoy:

– The closeness of him curled up next to me.

– Spending a longer portion of the night lying down.

– Knowing that our presence gave him the security he needed to sleep soundly.

I enjoyed a little less:

– Being duvet free and shivering (really should have invested in a onesie).

– Having him stand on our heads and lick our ears while he was meant to be asleep and we were pretending to be. NB remaining silent after a heavy   blow to the temple isn’t as easy as you might think.

– Not having the freedom to cough or talk to my husband.

But especially the cough, we’re talking basic human rights here.

So I have experienced both sides of the co-sleeping fence – not doing and doing – and have also sat on the fence, letting our baby’s sleep (or lack of) decide it for us. Through this, I have realised that actually, there is no fence. Where am I going with this? I think I have taken the whole wooden panel analogy too far; there is creosote everywhere and I’ve misplaced my point.

Basically, there are three people – at least two of whom want to sleep – and there is a bed, a cot and sometimes a sofa. There are best intentions, plans and methods. There is also a vacuum that these things fly in to in the middle of another bad night. There are guidelines; there is advice, there is A LOT of opinion.

And all of the above is enough to make your sleep-deprived brain implode.

But fear not! No longer need you face indecision about whether or not to co-sleep, or worry about the plethora of conflicting advice. I have collated it all below to avoid confusion, and it is now as easy as taking candy from a baby. (Has anyone actually tried this? Seems a bit mean).

1 – If you want to sleep well, don’t co-sleep.

2 – If you want to sleep at all, co-sleep

3 – If you must co-sleep, only do so if your baby is ill, teething or waking up a lot; or if you want to.

4 – Always ensure you co-sleep safely. Safely means protecting your eyes, hair and vital organs from kicks, pulls and punches.

5 – Protecting yourself from kicks, pulls and punches isn’t possible as to co-sleep is to be vulnerable. So just close your eyes tightly and hope for the best.

6 – Always start the night in your own beds, determined that is how you will remain.

7 – Fight with your partner over who gets to sleep on the sofa when you bring the baby in after all and he steals all the space.

8 – When breast feeding, do not fall asleep in bed with the baby. Unless you are really tired.

9 – Co-sleeping can be a lifeline for exhausted parents and an unsettled baby… not least with a chaser of disapproval and judgment from others.

10 – Co-sleeping can make a rod for your own back, so don’t do it. Having no sleep and spending the night sat on the nursery floor or stood rocking in the cold is much easier.

11 – Co-sleeping is natural and your baby’s crib is a prison of doom masquerading as a comfortable mattress with a cute mobile (or something).

12 – Co-sleeping is creating dependency when the very LAST thing your tiny, reliant baby should be is dependent.

13 – Co-sleeping will give your baby a secure start in life and build confidence and self-esteem.

14 – Co-sleeping will raise a child who is unable to do anything but lie with his mother. Even at the park. This might possibly be awkward.

15 – Nobody else co-sleeps. Except for all the people that do but don’t admit to it.

16 – There is nothing nicer than waking up next to your baby. Who is beating you across the head with his dummy.

17 – There is nothing nicer than not having to share your bed with an octopus-limbed infant and instead being able to sleep with your partner. Or even better, on your own.

18 – There is no one more equipped to give advice on where your baby should sleep than people you barely know.

19 – Co-sleeping is bad for your relationship.

20 – Not getting any sleep is bad for your relationship.

21 – Babies are bad for your relationship.

22 – Being a family changes your relationship, but this is okay. Changes in how and when you sleep are only temporary. For a few months… or years… or ten.

23 – Read books on babies and sleep, and search the internet for answers; just ensure that you never ever follow your own instincts regarding your child.

24 – If co-sleeping feels right for you – do it. If it doesn’t – don’t do it. Unless your baby makes you.

25 – Your baby may assume several different positions when co-sleeping. As a rule of thumb, if these positions don’t leave you clinging to the edge of the bed and in major discomfort, you are doing it wrong.

And remember, whether you co-sleep once, twice or every night, be assured: nothing lasts forever. Except if your child is from an urban legend in which case it may run into adulthood and you should buy a bigger bed as soon as possible.

For actual, useful guidance on co-sleeping, you will no doubt find this article a lot more helpful than mine! And wherever you and your baby lay your heads tonight, I hope that it is restfully. All we have is our hope right? And our caffeine!


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23 thoughts on “Guide To Reluctant Co-sleeping”

  1. Tara says:

    This made me chuckle. I was adamant that I would never ever co-sleep and then reflux hit (meaning she would wake every 10 minutes – not even kidding – on a bad night) and it eventually started out of desperation. I kind of like having her next to me now – when she isn’t kicking, pulling hair or moaning all night.

    1. That sounds awful. My son had reflux as well but from the sounds of it wasn’t as bad as your daughter. It’s horrible seeing them in discomfort though and I’m glad co-sleeping helped! I think most people start off thinking one thing about it, but then if or when you have a lot of sleep issues, trying it is a no-brainer! And it is lovely having them beside you… apart from the violence, of course!

  2. andthreetogo says:

    Haha. You got this dead on! 🙂

    1. Thanks! Always try to rant accurately 😉

  3. Again, another post leaving me in giggles…

    Number 15, 19, 20 and 21 = so so true! In fact every point but especially those!

    On the nights Noah sleeps through (very rare occasions) i actually wake in the morning with a panic joult because im actually comfortable in bed, not hanging off the edge freezing, and run into his room to check he is in fact alive! He looks at me with such confusion when this happens but he has created the rod for his own back this time! 🙂

    1. Oh yes I have done this too! It’s quite a shock when you sleep through the night yourself isn’t it?! Ha at rod for his own back – that’ll teach him! 😉

      I hope Noah starts sleeping through more regularly very soon. These pesky boys, good job they’re cute!

  4. Kerry says:

    Well put Vetty! Our 2 never did this as small babies but once number 2 went in to a bed the fun began of musical beds. Its like they have a radar – as soon as I was reduced to a tennis ball size space to sleep in I would attempt to sneak in to one of the other 3 beds or 2 sofa’s available. Doesn’t matter which you choose they do find you in record time! Lol. Ive learned to love this time now we have work, nursery, school chaos & enjoy it as billable cuddle time. The violence, night giggles & sleep talking don’t always prove a dreamy nights sleep but the time will one day come when they don’t hunt me down & I love having little ones, demands n’all – strange how you come round in the end! Well done with blog, its a good read! X x x

    1. Thanks Kerry! You are right – the cuddles are lovely, even if they come during precious sleep time. I already fret sometimes when cuddling Sam about the future when he will be all ‘Get off me Mummmm!’ Haha! My friend is the same with bed hopping kiddies – I hadn’t even thought of that side of things when the cot is outgrown – guess we better buy a bigger bed! Hope you are all good – must, must meet soon xx

  5. Nodding head in agreement. I’m not sure what I miss most now that I seem to be doing 90% co-sleeping: coughing or turning over. Both now just fond memories #sigh.

    1. Oh yes, turning over, true true! Funny the things we pine for. Well, not funny, more sad if anything but am right there with you!

  6. hannah mum's days says:

    Brilliant!! I love this post 🙂 I was totally anti for the last 2 and half years and then Reuben made me change my mind. Because I like sleep. You are spot on and very funny xxx

    Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList and taking part in 2014! Have a fabulous Christmas and we’ll see you in the New Year xxx

    1. Thank you and thanks for hosting a great linky!
      It’s really hard NOT to co-sleep when your child wants to, we were exactly the same! x

  7. ToddlerFoot says:

    We’ve been struggling and arguing over co-sleeping for months so loved reading this post and realising we aren’t alone. I feel liked I’ve failed because I can’t manage to get little miss to stay in her own bed but I’m also battling my hubby who loves her getting snuggled in with us in the early hours! X

    1. Yvette Lamb says:

      Ah, sleep difficulties can raise so many issues – and it’s so hard to make decisions (and stick to them) when knackered isn’t it. For what it’s worth, my son only co-sleeps now when ill – which we kind of encourage as it means we get more sleep. He did grow out of it, and I think most do though I know there’s always THE FEAR! I hope whatever happens, you get some rest soon, as I know how hard it is without a decent sleep x

  8. Eimear says:

    Love love love this post!! So honest and so true, every new, and not so new, parent needs to read this! We co-sleep with our little scamp because despite all our best efforts and best practises she just loves waking at night , we both work full time so needs must at 3 am, and she sure does love to whack us round the head

    1. Yvette Lamb says:

      Thanks Eimear! Yes needs must indeed – it’s bad enough not getting any sleep but when you have to be at work the next day it really is no joke. I am currently firmly subscribing to the ‘do whatever it takes’ method of parenting – it’s the only way to survive sometimes!

  9. I love this, it’s hilarious!
    Our two-year-old has never been interested but this could change when she goes into a bed rather than a cot. Ive been sleeping with our newborn a little, which I know is bad but just so desperate for sleep!

    1. Yvette Lamb says:

      I sort of feel now if we have another, I am more likely to do it from newborn. Like you I felt it was ‘bad’ but it isn’t as long as you do it safely – plus less physical injuries to us when they can’t thrash about! When I look back I probably took more risks being ‘safe’ as found it so hard not to fall asleep when feeding… if I had set it up safely to co-sleep it might have been easier and safer but hindsight is a great thing! Good luck getting as much sleep as possible, however you can 🙂

  10. Gemma Earle says:

    This made me laugh out loud. So true.

    1. Yvette Lamb says:

      Thanks Gemma! The whole sleep saga is quite funny… when we’re not weeping into our coffee!

  11. Rachel says:

    Reading this with my other half and belly laughing ha ha ha ha! The baby was asleep we have won this evening we are thinking!

    It’s like she could hear us, not even half way through reading and the screams began!! It’s looking like cold co-sleeping and no coronation street for us again tonight!

    1. Yvette Lamb says:

      Ah thanks, there’s definite comfort in knowing we’re not alone isn’t there! Good luck for the night ahead *raises coffee cup in support*

  12. Omg this is absolutely brilliant! We started out well, but after my LO turned 2, co-sleeping is all we do!!! I could relate to every point there and nodded along in glee!!!
    But despite the kicks and shoves, it is the best feeling in the world… till the kicks n shoves n coughing in your face starts!!!

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